Book Review: She Matters, A Life In Friendships by Susanna Sonnenberg

I recently read this book at the suggestion of my husband, who heard the review on NPR and came directly home to tell me about it. Coming from a small immediate family, I have no sisters or closely related female cousins. My mother was an only child and my father had 1 brother and 1 sister. As a result, I have 2 Aunts, 1 of which I am in close contact with. I had 2 grandmothers, one who loved me dearly and one who kept a distance. I have 2 sister in laws who live a great distance away. In terms of female family members, I often feel rather alone. So my female relationships mean a great deal to me and when they change, as they often do, I find myself upset. I crave constant. I want female friends who are with me all the way. I want a few gals to hold in the palm of my hand and share my life with. But these friends change for many reasons, most of which are unknown. This is hard for me, I take it personally. There was no fight, why did she fade away? She doesn’t really want to be as close as we were, what is wrong with me? And the answer is nothing. I wont always know what happened or why. But after reading this book, I will know that it is not all my fault and sometimes not my fault at all. Each chapter of this book is a chapter in the authors life that involved a different girlfriend of hers. And while I couldn’t relate to all her stories, I could relate to most of them. “Oh, this story feels like my relationship with so and so”. Some of the stories were mirror images to the stories of my life, and I found comfort. Women are like sand, where as men are like stone. We shift and change and move around in our relationships. My husband, more of a stone, he has had his same friends forever, they never change. And so I read this book and took to heart, that the female way of life is cyclical, sometimes moving away and sometimes coming closer. So I cherish the time I have with the gals I have got. I strongly suggest this book as a read for any woman who has had a dear relationship change and puzzled over it.

As a fun exercise I decided to assign a role name to each of my friends based upon how they fit into my life. I have the writer, the laugher, the traveler, the eater, the mother, the heart breaker, the runner, the red head, the butterfly, my childhood and my rock. What roles do your girlfriends play for you? Do these roles or positions change? I would really love to hear any comments. Thank you.